I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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