Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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