He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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