i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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