I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
