im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
