he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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