I can't watch pbs sober anymore
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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