Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
