We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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