Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
