96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
