If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
