the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
