Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
