I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
