I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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