I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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