i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
