Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
