Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
