he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
