remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
