If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
