why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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