you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
