look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
