I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
