my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
