the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
