i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
