Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
