she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
