He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
