At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
