Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
