I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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