so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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