I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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