these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
