i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
