the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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