you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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