If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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