i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
