He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
soo... how was my night?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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