first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
