This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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