3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
