sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
