Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
