when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
