I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
